Ignorance is bliss

I have a dear friend who is pregnant. She called me the other day to tell me her exciting news, but the entire time she spoke, I wanted to interrupt and tell her about my experiences. I remember when I was pregnant, everyone I spoke to wanted to tell me about their morning sickness, their cravings, their labor. At first it irritated me, but then I realized they were just reliving those moments through me.

As I talked to my friend, I tried to refrain from telling her everything to look out for, every emotion she might feel, every weird thing her body might do.

Because all the other stuff, she can read in a baby book, right? Wrong.

No matter how much you read, or listen to other people’s experiences, there are things that no one tells you, and rightfully so, because if you knew all the strange and disgusting things your body did when you were pregnant…well, let's just say the people that made Alien back in the '80's had something to reference.

But I'm not going to list out all the crazy things that happen when you are pregnant. That time has passed for me. I have an almost one year old, and I am experiencing a new world of things no one told me about. These are the things no one prepares you for in motherhood and you won't find these scenarios in baby books. The only way to handle situations like these is to improvise along the way.

• How do you handle the first time you see your son play with his you-know-what?

• How do you keep your baby from sticking his finger in your dog's butt-hole?

• What to do when your son constantly pulls your shirt down because he wants to grab your breasts?

• What to do when your son unties your bathing suit in the middle of a pool when no one else you know is there? (baby can't swim, it's not like you can just let him float around while you retie your top)

• Are you supposed to intervene when your baby feeds his snack of cheerios, one by one, to the dog? What if it is really cute and keeps him entertained for 10 minutes?

• Am I a bad mother because I keep putting off switching my son’s mid-morning bottle to a sippy cup because it is so much easier to get him to nap after he has a bottle?

• Am I a bad mother because even though I know I should let Max fall asleep on his own, sometimes, I just want to rock him to sleep?

This is where motherhood gets hard. What is the right answer? What isn't going to scar your son, or give him reasons to go to therapy when he’s older? The answers to these questions do not rest in baby books and no matter how much people tell you about their experiences, they always seem to leave these kinds of things out.