Wednesday, September 1, 2010

I got the guilts!!

Recently, while speaking with an executive with my company about the work/life balance, she laughed a little and said, knowingly, "Ah. You got the guilts."

I smiled a little. "Yep," I said. "I'm a Jewish working mother! Of course I got 'em!"

And it's so true!

I think that almost any woman you speak to who's trying to balance family and fun and any other sort of task (writing, employment outside of the home, etc.) will say that guilt is one of the most overwhelming emotional conflicts she experiences.

For me, it's the same kind of questions, over and over. Am I spending enough time with Zoe? Am I sweet enough or good enough or awake enough during the time we do get to share? Am I a good enough wife? Do I do good enough professional work to keep myself from getting fired?

My guilts drive my husband crazy, I think. One minute I'm begging him to let me quit my job entirely; the next I'm talking about applying for a bigger and better position in my company. I want to spend time together, just the two of us, but then I want to talk about Zoe and get home early.

And my guilts drive me to distraction. This past weekend, we were able to cut loose, make some new friends, and party harder than we had in ages, all in my brother's house while Zoe slept happily upstairs. It was a great time. But I wonder...does having an extra margarita make me a bad mom? If there had been an emergency, what would I have done? I couldn't have driven her anywhere. Am I irresponsible?

It's these kind of questions that I think all moms (and maybe dads too) ask while staring at the clock in the middle of the night. I know I do.

These guilts, they're gonna be the death of me!

1 comment:

  1. Oh, I get the guilts. I think all mothers have them for some reason or another. Lately, I have been feeling guilt that I let Max play in his crib while I catch an extra fifteen minutes of sleep in the morning. But he's happy, right?

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