Want a baby? Get a dog first.

The longer I am a mother, the more I have come to realize that babies and dogs are quite similar. Each day I watch the baby and our dogs terrorize the house, and I think, wow, dogs really did prepare me for a baby. Here are the the top ten reasons why I feel this way:

1. Babies and dogs both need chew toys, and for some reason, they always want what the other one has. I am forever pulling Max's teething ring away from our dogs, and our dogs chew toys, mainly the grubby, rubber bone with dog treats stuck to the inside, away from Max.


2. Babies and dogs get into everything you don't want them to. As much as I have tried to baby proof the house, we have one cord that we just can't hide, and that, of course, is the one thing Max desires to pull, chew, and poke. And if I could go on one walk where the dogs didn't want to roll on a dead, stinky bug, well, it would be one less bath I would have to give them.


3. You have to fence babies and dogs off from the rest of the world. This is obvious. You must have a fenced-in yard for your dog and you must have a playpen for your baby, or else your life is just hell. Those little buggers move fast and can destroy a room in minutes!


4. Adults feel the need to use baby talk around both babies and dogs. Male or female, old or young, it doesn't matter. Everyone uses the same high pitched, sappy-sweet voice when talking to babies and dogs. "Hiiiii, sweeeet-pea, aren't youuuuu theee cutest little thingggg."


5. Grandparents feel the need to spoil their grandchildren and their granddogs. My parents, the grandparents, were referred to as such long before Max arrived. They have granddoggies who get spoiled just as much as their grandchild.


6. Babies and dogs love birds and lizards. Although your baby won't intentionally try to kill them.


7. Babies and dogs want to sleep in your bed. Wait, this is a king sized bed, right? Doesn't seem to feel like it anymore.


8. Babies and dogs are messy. I can't leave the house without checking my clothes for dog hair and stubborn cheerios that stick relentlessly to my ass.


9. Babies and dogs want whatever it is your eating. "No no, Max, mommy's eating her double dark chocolate fudge ice cream. It's the same as your pureed peas, I promise. Niko, I'm pretty sure this would kill you. Eat your dog food."


10. Babies and dogs want your attention all the time. "Can I please go to the bathroom by myself?!?"