I've been having a dark afternoon. I have them sometimes, which is annoying because I know exactly how good my life is. I know how much I have, how many people love me, and how many people I love.
But I still have dark days sometimes. I don't know, doesn't everyone? Today's was just based on me getting my feelings hurt earlier in the day, and then allowing them to get hurt again when Zoe said "I don't want you, Mommy" one time too many when I was putting her to bed. Silly, I know, to let a two year old hurt your feelings. But it still did. I let it.
Luckily, Charles recorded Ani DiFranco on Live from the Artists Den last weekend. I'm so glad he did.
I first heard Ani years ago when visiting a great old friend of mine at Bryn Mawr College. It sounds cliche, right? I know - honestly, it was also the first time I was ever hit on by a girl. But that was the first time I heard Ani.
Through college, Ani's music was always a pick me up - I still hum "Untouchable Face" when I'm pissed off. You know that, if you know the lyrics, you do it, too.
And tonight, watching her interviews, I was just in awe of her. She spoke of joy and love and art and the art of being fearless. It's the fearlessness that really hits me - I'm afraid of everything! I'm afraid of failing at work, at writing, at being a good mom or a good wife. I'm afraid of ticks and spiders. I want to be big and bad and bold, but instead I'm meek and timid.
And I hate it!
But hearing Ani...it just makes me feel like, Ok, I can keep working at this. I can at least try. If she can be so damn amazing, I can at least be a little cooler, right?
So it made me smile, and it helped brighten up the night a little.
Here's a link to a video from the show, in case you need some brightening, too. Enjoy it!