Monday, September 13, 2010

Why my head hurts when I think about religion

Rosh Hashana was last week. Like most holidays, this one got me feeling all schmoopy for the past, all nostalgic for when my life was a whole lot simpler, and times were sweet.

It got me thinking about how I love some of those memories and traditions from my childhood - the hours and hours at synagogue, playing with my friends on the front lawn (was the weather always beautiful for Rosh Hashana?), running inside to hear the shofar blown. Family dinners with matzoh ball soup and brisket and roast chicken.

I got nostalgic for my religion. I am almost never nostalgic for religion.

And then, I read this piece by Christopher Hitchens.

Hitchens is sick. The snarky, often-venomous journalist and Vanity Fair contributor has advanced cancer of the esophagus. Anyone whose life has been touched by cancer can feel the enormity of that phrase - advanced cancer. I know I can.

Hitchens is also an atheist; almost universally hated by this country's religious right, he also tends to be a bit of a bastard, from what I've heard.

Still, though, to read his piece, to read the utter vitriol directed at him when he is down, sorta makes you sick, right? How can it not? How can anyone who claims to be a part of any form of religion say this:

"He’s going to writhe in agony and pain and wither away to nothing and then die a horrible agonizing death, and THEN comes the real fun, when he’s sent to HELLFIRE forever to be tortured and set afire."

How could you wish that on a person, and still consider yourself godly?

It made me sick, but I read on. And it was a reminder of all the issues I have with organized religions in this country and around the world. They are just so damn holier than thou. If you don't believe what many people say you should, then clearly you will burn in hell.

Am I right? Even according to the religion of my father and my best friend, I am due to burn in hell when I die for the grave sin of being Jewish. Do I believe either of them embrace this theory? No, of course not - they love me and they know I'm a sweet girl who wouldn't hurt a fly (ok, I'll kill a tick or a mosquito with a vengeance, but who's counting?). But lots of people around the world really do belive that the very fact of my Jewishness, let alone my tendency towards atheism, is enough to condemn me to an eternity of damnation.

In short, this stuff makes me crazy.

It makes me question (again!!) how to bring up Zoe. Charles and I have agreed to teach her all the religions we can, and let her choose for herself, but darn it, these stakes are high! I have already condemned her, according to many, by not baptising her into any particular faith. Sheesh. Poor kid. I just want her to grow up to be a sweet girl who wouldn't hurt a fly (ticks and mosquitoes are still fair game, though, ok?). I want her to love both sides of her cultural heritage - Jewish and Christian.

If she can love the traditions and respect others' beliefs, that will mean Charles and I have done a good job. If she feels strongly about any particular religious beliefs, I am OK with that, as long she is OK with the mish-mosh of ideas that exist in my head.

And to be fair, last week we may not have spent any time in a synagogue, but we had matzoh ball soup. We ate brisket. And the times? They were pretty sweet.

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