Beautiful things

If I could paint, I would paint a picture of Zoe's growing imagination. It would be Dali-like, with beautiful images melting into one another, with some Van Gough starry nights thrown in.

It's fun to see a person's imagination develop, so fun that I thought I'd share it.

One night, when Zoe asked why it was getting dark outside, Charles said, "Because the monkeys are eating the sun."

It was silliness at first, but the two of them have developed the idea over time. Now we know that the monkeys eat the sun at night because they've played all day and they're tired, so they want to put the light out. In the morning, when they wake up and are ready to play again, the monkeys poop out the sun, and that's why you see the sun rise. There are networks of monkeys living around the world; it just happens that one group lives in a house on our block, and another in a house by Zoe's school.

As for the moon, it's the mice that eat it every morning - the moon is made out of cheese, you know.

Zoe is so young that she believes that Mickey Mouse and his clubhouse are real, and every morning she marvels when the magic words make the clubhouse appear on his show. Tinkerbell lives in a Lego "house" which Zoe built. Dora and Diego are her friends.

When my dog Quentin plays chase with Zoe, running behind her around the backyard, he is playing Follow the Leader; Molly (a Dalmatian) and Quentin (a hound dog) are sister and brother.

Two chairs next to each other are a truck or an airplane; Zoe frequently travels to Oklahoma, New Jersey and North Carolina, to the homes of many people she loves.

If Zoe doesn't want to climb up a chair, it's because she doesn't "have strong legs," and a bar on the floor is there "for children to jump over." If we've lost something outside, we use "tubes" (typically a piece of grass) that help us find it. "Here's your tube, Mommy, so you can find Quen's ball."

It's a beautiful world in which Zoe lives, and I hope that her vivid imaginings are indications of a creative life ahead of her. In the meantime, I'll keep enjoying the things she says and believes, and maybe I'll believe some for myself.

When a children's book makes you think

I love when I come across something that makes me think. It could be a great article, movie, book, or a comment I overhear. This morning it was PUT ME IN THE ZOO by Robert Lopshire. If you haven't read it, you should. The message applies to adults, and I can't believe I never got it until now. I've read it a dozen times to my son but for some reason this morning, it just clicked.

For those who haven't read it, it's about an animal, although I'm not sure what kind of animal he is, who wants to live in the zoo. When two kids ask him why, why should he be in the zoo, the animal comes up with reasons as to why he thinks it would be great. But then the kids introduce him to the circus, and suddenly, he realizes that he shouldn't be in the zoo, he should be in the circus. The circus is the place for him.

If you don't quite get how big this message is, I'll explain. We could be spending our entire lives chasing a dream we constructed based on the few experiences we've had. Maybe we are hitting ourselves over the head wondering why our dreams aren't coming true, when actually, we are just chasing the wrong dreams.

If we don't try new things or expose ourselves to new people, ideas, concepts, and other ways of thinking, we could be chasing a dream that might not be the right dream for us. If we open ourselves up to new experiences, maybe our dreams will change for the better, and maybe we will find a dream that does come true.

See what I mean! This book is huge! If all I ever know is x, then I'll never discover y, and y could be the greatest thing ever.

Ok, maybe I'm laying the inspiration on thick, but I'm very enthusiastic this afternoon. So - this weekend, in honor of PUT ME IN THE ZOO, I will put myself in a new experience and see where it takes me.

More sincerely happy thoughts (read that as you will...)

I am digging this week. I really am. It started out really rough, and has had a couple of bumps in the road, but overall, I'd say it's been great!

I mean, think about it. Like Marissa pointed out yesterday....man, what a miracle for all 33 of those miners to be out from underground down there in Chile! I kept expecting SOMETHING bad to happen, so it's nice to know that sometimes things do work out. (Unless, of course, you're the guy whose wife got to meet his mistress while they waited for his rescue. I hear the wife was not there when he finally came out. I anticipate a couple rough months ahead for that guy.)

But still...amazing, right?

And while my week hasn't been amazing like that of the miners and their families, a couple nice things have gone down.

First, I've been reminded in a big way that my husband is a great guy who is somehow, weirdly, creepily perfect for me. It's eerie, how well he knows me - the other night, I was washing dishes and asked him to put on some music. Peppy music, actually. And I gave him a challenge - pick one of the two records that I had in my head as the only music I wanted to listen to at that time. My only clue was that the album was on vinyl, which in most houses would narrow things down significantly, but not in mine!

Literally, within 30 seconds, I heard the opening chords of "Mansford Road" by Vampire Weekend, the first song on the EXACT ALBUM I wanted to hear (the only other acceptable one would have been Pet Sounds by The Beach Boys, in case you wondered)! And this was an album we haven't listened to in months, I promise you. It was very creepy and weird and fantastic.

Then, the following day, I was having kind of a yucky morning at work, and Charles knew it. I was sitting at my desk, not wanting to ask to go out to lunch, but really wanting to go out to lunch, when an email popped up. Bam! It was a meeting request. From Charles. For lunch. Crazy, man...

And finally, back in my babysitting days, I frequently saw the moms for whom I worked talking to fellow-moms about who was coordinating what event for their kids, who would pick up what equipment or food, who would offer whom a ride. Since Zoe's birth, I've wondered how to get that network going for myself, always knowing how much easier it is being a busy mom when you have other busy moms to lean on when you need to. But short of stalking fellow-moms at the day care Zoe attended, I had no idea how to find my network.

Well, sometimes things just work themselves out. This year, Zoe is in a class with two little girls whose moms work at the same company as me. This weekend, all of us need to get the girls white t-shirts and a pumpkin for some classroom art projects, which is kind of a pain for any one person to do. So, since I live near Wal-Mart (ick, I know), I will grab some t-shirts for all three, and another mom is getting the pumpkins. The third mom is out of town and was stressing over finding the time to pick up the supplies. So it's all working out really nicely. And it's great to feel like I'm finally (I say finally like Zoe is already 16 or something...in reality, she's two, and I'm just impatient) getting that network started. It's nice to know if I need a favor, I have some mom-friends who totally get it and are happy to help.

Sometimes, life is just....nice.

Wake up call

I was having a bad day yesterday, feeling sorry for myself, and not wanting to do much of anything. I have these days every so often and I know if I can ride it out, it will only last a day or two.

Well, this morning when I woke up and poured myself a cup of coffee, I turned on the news. On my screen were the cheers, tears, and hugs as the tenth miner was lifted to safety in Chile. To those miners and their families, I'm sure nothing else in the world matters right now other than their safe return. They have endured so much these last two months and I can only imagine what it must feel like to be lifted to safety and see the sun (or moon) for the first time in two months when it must have crossed their minds they may never see it again. I'm sure they're not thinking about the house that needs to be cleaned, the bills on the counter, their jeans that are too tight, or the fact that they are feeling uninspired.

I decided right at that moment that today is going to be a good day. Every once in a while, you have to force yourself to reset and put things back in perspective. Today, I am feeling inspired.

Happy thoughts

I was a bit of a Debbie-Downer last week, all caught up in causes without offering solutions. And Zoe's been sick, and Charles has been sick, and now I'm sick...so I could continue down the road of negativity.

But fear not! I decided this morning that I would post only happy things tonight - sort of like Peter Pan, maybe if I think lovely thoughts, I can fly?

Or at least I can make you smile.

1. Family Guy made Charles snort three times this week and featured a slowed-down reprise of "Surfin' Bird," which is my all-time favorite Family Guy song. Fabulous.
2. 30 Rock had some choice comments about Wilco and The New Yorker, so I think the writers pretty much took a shot at my husband. Much as I love both Wilco and The New Yorker (and my husband...), it made me laugh. Hard.
3. The other night, when I was putting Zoe down for bed, I asked if she wanted her music on or off. Her response? "On, because I had a long day."
4. This video of a woman using makeup to turn herself into Jared Leto is so stinkin' cool - you will love it!
5. I made Zoe's cow costume for Halloween on Friday - she loved it!
6. We're going to see Phish on Friday night! We're going to see David Sedaris and Grace Potter next week!
7. The Giants are kicking ass all of a sudden, and I might almost possibly win my first fantasy football match of the season! Hooray!

Seven seems like an auspicious number for an auspicious post. Have a good week, ok?

Still on my soapbox

My brother came out to me when I was fifteen. We were in a room with two of his friends and the boys were all home from their first semester of college. My reaction was...not the best. At all.

Outwardly, I was quiet, processing. Inwardly, I was an immediate disaster. Holy shit! What were my friends going to think? Was everyone at school going to think, gulp, I was GAY TOO? Ohmigosh, my already-meager social life was going to get anchored in some cement and dumped in the swamps by Giant's Stadium.

I was self-centered, selfish. Fifteen.

It never entered my realm of thoughts that Daniel was quite possibly going through turmoil of his own at that point. Didn't even cross my mind.

I think I've spent a chunk of the rest of my life trying to compensate for that initial reaction, the initial lack of support. I could've done better.

Which is why I get so angry sometimes, so fired up about civil rights, same sex marriage, hate crimes, and all the causes that I care about.

And which is why I am so sad about the rash of suicides by gay teens that is being reported all over the news right now. I know that the media tends to blow things out of proportion, but I guess I really feel like any suicide by anyone who has been driven to the limit by hateful people is one too many.

I consider myself so lucky that my brother came out in a safe environment - his college was an amazing haven for young people. He had good friends. And he had a family who loved him and (initial reactions by snotty teenagers notwithstanding) supported him through all the rest of the choices he had to make to really figure out who he was.

I can't imagine if we hadn't all been so damn lucky.

So when I saw today that Glee (my new favorite show - I can't help it!!) is planning an episode that tackles these tough issues, I was so grateful. They reach such a wide audience of teens (and those of us slightly older than that)...anyone they can educate is maybe one less person who will commit a hateful act. Please take a look at this video by Chris Colfer, who plays Kurt on the show. His message, that it will get better, is one I hope anyone in trouble will take to heart.

And now I will get back off my soapbox - my next post will be fun. I almost promise.

Tuesday night politics

It's another Tuesday night,and I'm writing and watching Glee and it's a sad one, kids. Seriously, it's about to break my heart.

So I thought I would distract myself with some political discussion.

I live in South Carolina, and in the past bunch of years, I've been horrified by a slew of political events. Between Mark Sanford's Incredible Disappearing Act (for which he received no noticeable punishment, and has been allowed to finish out his term of governance - go figure!) and Joe Wilson's famous "You lie" at a President I highly respect, I've shaken my head in disgust more than once.

To be fair, New Jersey, my original home state, isn't much better - between Snooki and the recent smackdowns on corrupt politics, it's not like I have much to brag about there, either.

But oh, South Carolina, seriously, what were you thinking when you elected Jim DeMint to the Senate (I can say you - I did NOT vote for him). He's horrible!

If you have read much of this blog, you may already know that I get fired up about civil rights, and DeMint's record of opposing openly gay men and unwed mothers who teach...well, it really makes me physically ill. Who is he to say what makes a fit and able teacher?

How can someone's sexual orientation affect their teaching skills? It seems to fall under the same assumption that people use to oppose the repeal of Don't Ask, Don't tell - clearly, all gay people hit on EVERY SINGLE PERSON of the same gender who happens to come their way. Right? Isn't that what everyone's afraid of? Well, that's the same to me as saying I should not be allowed to work with straight men because they might one day hit on me. Utterly ridiculous.

And, ok, I like family values as much as the next person. We have dinner in my house at 6:00 every night, even though Zoe is only two and mealtimes are as much about arguing with her to stay in her seat as they are about meaningful, loving conversation. But women have babies out of wedlock - it happens all the time. Sometimes it's an accident, other times it's on purpose, and who the hell am I to say that I'm a better person than they are simply because I am married. I'm not. Utterly ridiculous.

No one in the government should ever judge another person based on their lifestyle choices; it makes for the creation of bad laws that infringe upon all of our civil rights.

And it's really rude, too. To say the least.

Fall is all around us

Oh October, October, you will be a busy month but I am excited you are here. The weather is beautiful, the pumpkins are out, and life feels good right now.

The next three weekends are going to be a whirlwind of activities for us. We have something going on every day of every weekend, and a bunch of stuff in between. First up, we have the wedding of an old high school friend which I anticipate will be like the high school reunion I never attended. Next up, my husband is traveling to New York for his nephew's christening and I'll be traveling to see my parents for a long weekend. And following that trip, I will be heading to Myrtle Beach for the South Carolina Writer's Workshop conference.

And in between it all, we plan to find time to go to Boone Hall plantation for a hayride and a walk through the pumpkin patch, take the ferry over to Fort Fisher aquarium, attend a fall BBQ, and last but not least, find the perfect Halloween costumes.

Fall really is my favorite time of the year. And so, I am sharing my list of favorite fall things...

Crisp, cool air - which makes for good hair days
Open windows
Fall sweaters
Scarves!!!!
Fires outback in the fire pit - teaching Max to make s'mores
Pumpkins and gourds
Anticipation over the holiday season
And last but not least - snuggling under a blanket with the ones I love the most

Happy Fall everyone!

Sometimes it's a little hard to write

I have big plans.

I've mentioned before that I am interested in working on a couple stories for upcoming Writer's Digest contests. I've been having fun doing some editing for Marissa. I've enjoyed blogging thus far.

I also decided that I'd like to try some more essay writing (my strength) to submit pieces to a few online magazines I like. I want to get published.

Last week was a little hectic; ok, most weeks around here are hectic. I'm used to it. But since I was worn out from our crazy weekend in New Jersey, I planned to give myself a break by sending Zoe to school on Friday, giving myself a free day at home.

I had big plans.

I wanted to go for a long run in the early hours of the day, then clean my house (focusing on one unruly closet) so it was sparkly. Then, I planned to write.

I planned hours of writing, in fact! I had three pieces on which I wanted to work, all of them clearly defined in my head. By Thursday night, I was practically giddy with excitement.

Until about 11:00 p.m., that is. That's when Zoe first woke up and started crying. I could tell from her gasping breaths that her nose was completely congested, making sucking on her pacifier (her one vice, and only at night) impossible.

About an hour later, she was asleep again, and I knew she had a cold. Not a bad one, really, but it was enough - no way could I send even a semi-sick little girl to school when I was already staying home.

So I had to put my writing plans on hold; Zoe is a notoriously bad sleeper/napper when sick, and she has held true to that all weekend long. So we've spent a lot of time in and around the house since Friday - luckily, we've had the best weather EVER, so all our windows have been open, keeping my normal stir-craziness slightly at bay.

I finally sat down this afternoon and got a rough draft done on one essay; the others have gone the way of so many ideas - far, far away.

The good news is that, crazy as life is, it provides lots of writing material. We are certainly never dull.

Now I'm going to go blow my own stuffy nose and pretend that my throat doesn't actually hurt.

I still have big plans.

Just a little bit brighter...

I've been having a dark afternoon. I have them sometimes, which is annoying because I know exactly how good my life is. I know how much I have, how many people love me, and how many people I love.

But I still have dark days sometimes. I don't know, doesn't everyone? Today's was just based on me getting my feelings hurt earlier in the day, and then allowing them to get hurt again when Zoe said "I don't want you, Mommy" one time too many when I was putting her to bed. Silly, I know, to let a two year old hurt your feelings. But it still did. I let it.

Luckily, Charles recorded Ani DiFranco on Live from the Artists Den last weekend. I'm so glad he did.

I first heard Ani years ago when visiting a great old friend of mine at Bryn Mawr College. It sounds cliche, right? I know - honestly, it was also the first time I was ever hit on by a girl. But that was the first time I heard Ani.

Through college, Ani's music was always a pick me up - I still hum "Untouchable Face" when I'm pissed off. You know that, if you know the lyrics, you do it, too.

And tonight, watching her interviews, I was just in awe of her. She spoke of joy and love and art and the art of being fearless. It's the fearlessness that really hits me - I'm afraid of everything! I'm afraid of failing at work, at writing, at being a good mom or a good wife. I'm afraid of ticks and spiders. I want to be big and bad and bold, but instead I'm meek and timid.

And I hate it!

But hearing Ani...it just makes me feel like, Ok, I can keep working at this. I can at least try. If she can be so damn amazing, I can at least be a little cooler, right?

So it made me smile, and it helped brighten up the night a little.

Here's a link to a video from the show, in case you need some brightening, too. Enjoy it!