Bye Bye Baby

I took Max to a Gymboree Play and Learn class this morning. We had attended a class a few months back but Max wasn't crawling yet, so he spent most of the time sitting in one spot watching the crawlers do circles around him. But now, Max is a walker, and he's getting his hands into everything. I thought it would be good for him to attend a regular class to play with other kids his age. Most of my friends have children who are two years old and up, and they are all girls. Max needs some boys to play with. He needs to make some friends his own age. And so, we joined Gymboree.

There were balls, lots of balls, for Max to throw and carry around as he walked every square inch of the place. There were tunnels, ramps, building blocks, slides, and logs to push. Max touched everything in sight and climbed on everything he could get his arms and legs around. He squealed at the other kids, chased bubbles, and tried to pull a bow out of a girl's hair. Typical boy, I suppose.

I watched his reaction, more specifically, the range of emotions he displayed across his little face with each new thing he discovered. I saw his face light up when the teacher came around and sang to him. I watched his face scrunch up in confusion as an inner tube was placed in front of him. When he wandered across the room and turned to see I wasn't right behind him, I watched as his eyes widened in a panic until he spotted me. But he was okay and turned to continue what he was doing. I think I even saw a look of embarrassment on his face when he climbed on the back of a lady squatted down only to realize the lady he was grabbing was not his mommy.

Max has become a little person, no longer a baby that clings to me or needs me to hold him. My little boy is growing up. I think I need a tissue.

The birthday cake lesson

This past weekend we celebrated my son's first birthday by having friends and family over to grill hamburgers, hot dogs, and of course, eat cake.

It was a perfect day surrounded by my favorite people. The weather was beautiful and the food was yummy. And right around 5:00, we brought out the cake. This is where the day took a left turn.

In the days following his birthday party, I had growing suspicions that cake might not be Max's favorite thing. At Leah's house, he tried a bite of cupcake. I noticed his face wrinkle at the icing, and then instead of putting the bite of cupcake in his mouth, he tried to feed it to the dog.

The day of his party, I couldn't decide if his personal cake, that I made from scratch, should have chocolate or vanilla icing, so I did a taste test. I offered him two fingers, one with chocolate icing, the other with vanilla. My thought process was, I'll let him taste both, offer both fingers again and the finger he goes after first, well, that would be the icing for his cake. But Max wouldn't taste either finger. He backed away in horror from the brown icing and when I put the white icing up to his lips, he almost gagged. This should have been a red flag for me.

But how could that be! Doesn't every child dive into their first cake and smear it all over their face, while all the adults stand around cheering and laughing. Isn't it a joyous moment, the first time cake touches your lips, the sweet sugar icing, cake!! Who doesn't love cake? Everyone loves cake!

Well, not Max. At his party when it was time to bring out the cake, Max shrunk into his highchair and stared at me with frightful eyes. I brought it closer and his face shriveled. No, not cake. I sat it on his highchair and backed away. Max started crying. I tried to entice him by digging in the cake, but no, nothing but tears. He reached his arms up and wanted out, out of the whole situation. He didn't want the cake, he didn't want the singing, he didn't want all the eyes on him. I lifted him up and took him into the other room and apologized. "It's ok Max, you don't have to like cake."

And so I learned another lesson as a mother. My baby boy is becoming his own person, with his own likes and dislikes, and no matter what, I can never force my own love of cake onto my son. The party was for us, not for Max. All Max wanted was to play, and get love from his mommy and daddy.

In the end, it was ok. Mommy and daddy ate his cake the next morning for breakfast.

One year feels like yesterday

One year ago, on this day, I was anticipating the birth of our son. I was swollen, 35 lbs heavier, and exhausted. I was sitting at work, trying to wrap everything up before I left on maternity leave. I had no idea what the future would hold. Would my son be born healthy? Would I be a good mother? How would I juggle work and motherhood? Will I ever lose all this weight? Do I have all the things I need? Do we have enough diapers?

One year later, so much has happened and it feels like yesterday I was asking myself all those questions. Turns out, my son was born just perfect, I think I'm an alright mother, still learning everyday. I'm staying home with my son, something I didn't think we would be able to do. Yes, I lost the baby weight, and yes, we had enough diapers, at least for the first few days. Everything turned out fine, even better than I had hoped.

And here I sit, daydreaming again. Will I ever get published? Am I a good writer? Am I a good mother? Am I teaching my son enough? Does he feel loved? Is he growing fast enough? Should I wean him off bottles? Do we have enough diapers?

I thought I was done with testing

We have come to the stage in development that is no longer about physical achievements, or learning that if you put an object under a blanket, surprise, it's still there when you move the blanket. No, now we are on to testing. Max is testing us to see what he can and can’t do. And by can’t do, I mean he will still do it but it is usually followed by a mocking laugh.

My husband and I agreed we would use the word "no" for serious events, things that could danger Max, things like electrical cords, or climbing on bookcases. But I find myself saying it more and more, especially since Max is touching, reaching, chewing, and climbing on everything in our house. But there are two things of late he has been testing us on, plugs and shoes.

There is a plug for a radio in his bedroom I thought I had hidden well behind his bookshelf. Turns out, he discovered that if he leans around the corner of his toy box, and squeezes his hand between the bookshelf and the wall, he can touch the plug. The first time he did it, I pulled him away and tried to distract him with a toy, but a few minutes later, he found the plug again. So, I tried another technique and used a soft "no, no". Who would have thought that by simply shaking my head and speaking sofly, I could be so funny. Max thought I was hilarious and let out a huge laugh.

And so a game begins. He crawls over to his toy box and quickly looks at me before reaching over to the plug, and then he bursts into a huge smile. He knows he's not supposed to touch it, but he is testing me, over and over again.

The second mommy/daddy test is our shoes by the front door. Every so often a toy will make its way by the door and Max will go to retrieve it. He will pause by the shoes and look over to me. I know exactly what he is thinking. He doesn't just look at me, he gives me the "I'm going to put this in my mouth. What are you going to do about it?" look. Then in one swift motion he will grab a shoe and put it in his mouth. I've tried to distract him, but that doesn't work, and so I’ll say "no, no", but that gets a laugh.

I'm pretty sure I am failing the test.

Want a baby? Get a dog first.

The longer I am a mother, the more I have come to realize that babies and dogs are quite similar. Each day I watch the baby and our dogs terrorize the house, and I think, wow, dogs really did prepare me for a baby. Here are the the top ten reasons why I feel this way:

1. Babies and dogs both need chew toys, and for some reason, they always want what the other one has. I am forever pulling Max's teething ring away from our dogs, and our dogs chew toys, mainly the grubby, rubber bone with dog treats stuck to the inside, away from Max.


2. Babies and dogs get into everything you don't want them to. As much as I have tried to baby proof the house, we have one cord that we just can't hide, and that, of course, is the one thing Max desires to pull, chew, and poke. And if I could go on one walk where the dogs didn't want to roll on a dead, stinky bug, well, it would be one less bath I would have to give them.


3. You have to fence babies and dogs off from the rest of the world. This is obvious. You must have a fenced-in yard for your dog and you must have a playpen for your baby, or else your life is just hell. Those little buggers move fast and can destroy a room in minutes!


4. Adults feel the need to use baby talk around both babies and dogs. Male or female, old or young, it doesn't matter. Everyone uses the same high pitched, sappy-sweet voice when talking to babies and dogs. "Hiiiii, sweeeet-pea, aren't youuuuu theee cutest little thingggg."


5. Grandparents feel the need to spoil their grandchildren and their granddogs. My parents, the grandparents, were referred to as such long before Max arrived. They have granddoggies who get spoiled just as much as their grandchild.


6. Babies and dogs love birds and lizards. Although your baby won't intentionally try to kill them.


7. Babies and dogs want to sleep in your bed. Wait, this is a king sized bed, right? Doesn't seem to feel like it anymore.


8. Babies and dogs are messy. I can't leave the house without checking my clothes for dog hair and stubborn cheerios that stick relentlessly to my ass.


9. Babies and dogs want whatever it is your eating. "No no, Max, mommy's eating her double dark chocolate fudge ice cream. It's the same as your pureed peas, I promise. Niko, I'm pretty sure this would kill you. Eat your dog food."


10. Babies and dogs want your attention all the time. "Can I please go to the bathroom by myself?!?"