I love New York!

When I was very small, my two brothers, who were born in New Jersey like my parents, used to tease me for being born in New York. They called me a "born New Yorker." It hurt my feelings and made me feel like an "other" in my family.

Today? Today I am SO PROUD TO BE A BORN NEW YORKER!!!!

New York passes same sex marriage!!!

Thank you, New York! I love you!

Why I read sad things...

I'd love to raise my daughter in a world where rape, murder, genocide and all other atrocities don't exist.

But since I don't, and since I firmly believe that we must learn from the past in order to not repeat it, I believe it's important to read articles like this one, and the book which it references.

I'll be ordering it soon. It will make me sad, and nauseous, and angry, but I will learn from it. And I hope others will, too. Because we all have to work together to keep things like this from happening ever again.

Dammit, Chick-Fil-A!

Two posts in two days - be still thy heart, right?

So...I need to research this further, but it looks like Chick-Fil-A may harbor some deep-running discriminatory policies against gay couples. What's frustrating about this to me is, to start with, that I gave up fast food years ago, so my new personal boycott against the restaurant chain will go completely unnoticed.

But that's not entirely why I'm writing today...it's because, in the name of discrimination against the LGBT (Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgendered) community, I've heard it argued one time too many that people are entitled to their own beliefs, and since so many religions are against homosexuality in any form, clearly it must be ok for people to turn up their noses at gay people.

Because people in the LGBT community had a choice in being what they are, right? I've heard that logic as well. And since they have a choice in who they love or marry, then clearly it's ok to disagree with, and discriminate against, them.

Right.

I am here to say that that logic is bullshit, and I don't use that term lightly.

Here's the thing. If you want to tell me that being gay is a choice, then I will argue you until the cows come home. Because it's not a choice. Some people are born gay or transgendered in the exact same way that I was born a blonde-haired, blue-eyed Jewish girl. I had no say in that. And so discriminating against that community is the same as telling Black people to sit in the back of the bus. (Thanks, Charles - I stole that from you.)

Want to know why I believe that with every cell in my being? Good, because I'm going to tell you.

I have known lots of gay people in my life, but only a small handful of transgendered. That said, one transgendered person is someone with whom I have been extremely close for my entire life, and I always will be.

That person (let's call him Fred, to protect anonymity) started out life as a little girl, just like me. We played together a lot growing up, and Fred was always just...a little different. When the other little girls (myself included) played My Little Ponies, developing complex, soap-opera-like scenarios in which the ponies starred, Fred (back then Sarah) built them houses out of sticks and leaves, uninterested in our version of the game. When the rest of the girls giggled and gossiped about boys in the sunshine by the pool, Fred read Isaac Asimov in the shade.

I don't know that Fred cared at that young age about not really fitting in with the girls, but as she got older, more complex decisions started to come into play, and the world started to react a little more strongly to her differences.

When Fred started cutting her hair short and dressing like a boy, people stared, and some got mean. Once when sitting in a diner in rural Pennsylvania, a waitress was so ridiculously rude that we should have gotten up and walked out. Instead, we sat quietly, ate our breakfasts, and allowed her to ruin a meal. Then, when Fred realized exactly what she was (transgendered), she had a doctor tell her that if she was going to live life as a man, she would have to give up all those people she had ever loved, because there was no way they were ever going to fully accept her for what she would become. How could you tell someone that? Cut everyone else out in order to be what you need to be?

Luckily, she didn't listen, and got a second opinion.

Then, the transformation itself was incredibly difficult. There was a surgery, lots of hormone therapy that wreaks a bit of havoc on a body, and just so many changes, I'm sure it was near impossible to fathom. It took a long time for Fred to finally be Fred, and while it was always the right decision for him, it was not the easy one.

I'm saying all this in order to point you to my conclusion, which is that I really don't think people choose to be LGB or T. I think the only choice they have is whether to suppress who they really are and live a lie, or live as their hearts tell them to, in a world that is often filled with bullying, vitriol, and worse, and in a country that doesn't always support them.

Look, the repeal of Don't Ask, Don't Tell this year was a big step. Huge, even, and I'm glad it was taken. But when a major fast food company blatantly admits to discriminatory processes, and no one seems enraged, then I know there's still far for this country to go.

Because really, people...would you ever excuse someone for discriminating against someone based on the color of their skin because that person may have a different set of beliefs?

No. I didn't think so. And guess what? You shouldn't.

Yay Hooray!!!

Tomorrow, President Obama will sign into law the repeal of the ridiculous Don't Ask, Don't Tell policy of the Pentagon. For the first time in a long time, the country is taking a major step in the direction of ensuring civil rights for all. Finally, people will be able to serve our country in active military duty regardless of whether they are gay or straight.

It's been a long time coming, and I'm glad it's here! I'm proud of our Congress today.

Up next (I hope): START and aid for 9/11 first responders. Lame ducks? Ha!

Read this

A mom defends both her young son's choice of Halloween costumes (and her decision to allow him to cross-dress) after she receives an earful from some bigots at a pre-school costume parade.

Sad that it happened, to be sure, but it's always encouraging to hear from another mom out there who will love her child NO MATTER WHAT and who will allow him to express himself in whatever way he chooses.

So I think she (and her little Daphne) kick ASS.

Maybe just a little more sane...

Back in 2005, when George W. Bush was in office, with all of his "heck of a job, Brownies" and his "Mission Accomplished" signs, I was disgruntled by our government. Overwhelmingly, paralizingly disgruntled. I wasn't sure what our future as a country held.

Back then, before Barack Obama showed up in the spotlight, I turned to two TV personalities on whom to pin my hope. The sticker on my car literally read, "Stewart/Colbert '08."

Life has changed a lot in the last five years...or has it?

President Obama is as disliked by some as GW was by me. The ugly ads leading up to Tuesday's elections are as ridiculous and hate-mongering as ever. Congress is gridlocked, with very little legislation getting passed without angry rhetoric and even filibuster.

And so to whom am I turning? Again?

Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert, of course.

Yesterday, they hosted the amazingly well-attended (estimates run as high as 200,000) Rally to Restore Sanity/Fear on the historic Washington Mall. They hosted a slew of fabulous musicians (if you caught the Mavis Staples/Jeff Tweedy duet, you know what I'm saying) and they emceed a massive comedy show.

And while much of it felt thrown-together, with Colbert frequently heard calling instructions into his microphone to let harried stage-hands know which way to go, and with Stewart's distressingly, endearingly tone-deafness showcased at one point, it really was a rally.

Stewart took the stage at the end to deliver what I'd love to call one of the most important speeches of our time. Sure, he's *just* a comedian, right? But he's also super-sharp, and super-well-respected in many circles.

He said:

"This was not a rally to ridicule people of faith, or people of activism, or look down our noses at the heartland, or passionate argument, or to suggest that times are not difficult and that we have nothing to fear--they are, and we do.

But we live now in hard times, not end times. And we can have animus, and not be enemies."

And:

"...the image of Americans that is reflected back to us by our political and media process is false. It is us, through a funhouse mirror--and not the good kind that makes you look slim in the waist, and maybe taller, but the kind where you have a giant forehead, and an ass shaped like a month-old pumpkin, and one eyeball."

His arguments (read a transcript and see a video here) are so poignant, so verdant, that I want to shout from rooftops, "Guess what! It's going to be ok!"

So thank you to Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert for all you did yesterday to restore my sanity even one little iota. Your work is appreciated.

Still on my soapbox

My brother came out to me when I was fifteen. We were in a room with two of his friends and the boys were all home from their first semester of college. My reaction was...not the best. At all.

Outwardly, I was quiet, processing. Inwardly, I was an immediate disaster. Holy shit! What were my friends going to think? Was everyone at school going to think, gulp, I was GAY TOO? Ohmigosh, my already-meager social life was going to get anchored in some cement and dumped in the swamps by Giant's Stadium.

I was self-centered, selfish. Fifteen.

It never entered my realm of thoughts that Daniel was quite possibly going through turmoil of his own at that point. Didn't even cross my mind.

I think I've spent a chunk of the rest of my life trying to compensate for that initial reaction, the initial lack of support. I could've done better.

Which is why I get so angry sometimes, so fired up about civil rights, same sex marriage, hate crimes, and all the causes that I care about.

And which is why I am so sad about the rash of suicides by gay teens that is being reported all over the news right now. I know that the media tends to blow things out of proportion, but I guess I really feel like any suicide by anyone who has been driven to the limit by hateful people is one too many.

I consider myself so lucky that my brother came out in a safe environment - his college was an amazing haven for young people. He had good friends. And he had a family who loved him and (initial reactions by snotty teenagers notwithstanding) supported him through all the rest of the choices he had to make to really figure out who he was.

I can't imagine if we hadn't all been so damn lucky.

So when I saw today that Glee (my new favorite show - I can't help it!!) is planning an episode that tackles these tough issues, I was so grateful. They reach such a wide audience of teens (and those of us slightly older than that)...anyone they can educate is maybe one less person who will commit a hateful act. Please take a look at this video by Chris Colfer, who plays Kurt on the show. His message, that it will get better, is one I hope anyone in trouble will take to heart.

And now I will get back off my soapbox - my next post will be fun. I almost promise.

Tuesday night politics

It's another Tuesday night,and I'm writing and watching Glee and it's a sad one, kids. Seriously, it's about to break my heart.

So I thought I would distract myself with some political discussion.

I live in South Carolina, and in the past bunch of years, I've been horrified by a slew of political events. Between Mark Sanford's Incredible Disappearing Act (for which he received no noticeable punishment, and has been allowed to finish out his term of governance - go figure!) and Joe Wilson's famous "You lie" at a President I highly respect, I've shaken my head in disgust more than once.

To be fair, New Jersey, my original home state, isn't much better - between Snooki and the recent smackdowns on corrupt politics, it's not like I have much to brag about there, either.

But oh, South Carolina, seriously, what were you thinking when you elected Jim DeMint to the Senate (I can say you - I did NOT vote for him). He's horrible!

If you have read much of this blog, you may already know that I get fired up about civil rights, and DeMint's record of opposing openly gay men and unwed mothers who teach...well, it really makes me physically ill. Who is he to say what makes a fit and able teacher?

How can someone's sexual orientation affect their teaching skills? It seems to fall under the same assumption that people use to oppose the repeal of Don't Ask, Don't tell - clearly, all gay people hit on EVERY SINGLE PERSON of the same gender who happens to come their way. Right? Isn't that what everyone's afraid of? Well, that's the same to me as saying I should not be allowed to work with straight men because they might one day hit on me. Utterly ridiculous.

And, ok, I like family values as much as the next person. We have dinner in my house at 6:00 every night, even though Zoe is only two and mealtimes are as much about arguing with her to stay in her seat as they are about meaningful, loving conversation. But women have babies out of wedlock - it happens all the time. Sometimes it's an accident, other times it's on purpose, and who the hell am I to say that I'm a better person than they are simply because I am married. I'm not. Utterly ridiculous.

No one in the government should ever judge another person based on their lifestyle choices; it makes for the creation of bad laws that infringe upon all of our civil rights.

And it's really rude, too. To say the least.

Do tell...please, keep telling

I'm sorry. I didn't check the news before my silly post last night, so I didn't see how completely WRONG Congress got things yesterday. By filibustering a military spending bill that included the repeal of Don't Ask, Don't Tell, a completely flawed and unfair Pentagon policy, Congress threw a slap in the face of the men and women who serve our country with honesty and integrity, regardless of their sexual orientation.

But, rather than trying to state my opinion more eloquently than the New York Times Editorial Board, let me just share their opinion with you...and please know that I am disgusted.

So, I'm really happy about this!

Let me be among the first to congratulate the many loving, same-sex couples in the State of California who, as of August 18, may begin getting married, a civil right I as a heterosexual have enjoyed since I was legally an adult.

Yep, that's right. Judge Vaughn Walker, the chief judge in the Federal District Court of San Francisco, who overturned Proposition 8 last week, has lifted his temporary stay on same-sex marriages as of August 18. That's only six days away - friends, I hope you all have fabulous wedding planners! I hope August 18 is a celebration of happy days to come.

I think the issue of marriage as a civil liberty is a no-brainer - two consenting adults of any gender should be able to marry. To deny people that right is archaic. It's bigoted. It's hateful.

I know the battle ahead will be tough for these couples. Opponents of Proposition 8 can possibly expect another stay for their ceremonies, another denial of their rights. This case will probably reach the Supreme Court of the United States. Evidence of the continued difficulties faced can be found in the headline of the Los Angeles Times: Judge keeps gay marriage ruling on hold. On hold...it indicates that the decision is still far from final.

And people are still on hold, holding their breath in hopes they can truly move on with their lives on August 18.

But today, let's celebrate hope. Hope that next week, gay couples all over California can join those in New Hampshire, Massachusetts, Connecticut, Iowa and Vermont in their simple, undeniable right to marry one another.

For more information:

CNN

NY Times