A long time ago, Charles and I agreed to raise Zoe in a multi-cultural, multi-religiously educated house. We agreed not to label her, to let her choose her religious ideals as she grew up and into them.
With that in mind, yesterday I almost posted on the Internets that I was an equal opportunity book buyer - I'd just purchased a Passover and an Easter book for Zoe. Clearly, I'm non-biased and am educating my child equally about multiple religions/traditions at once.
But yeah...tonight I was glad I didn't post that, because really...not so much.
The Passover book was called "Max's Four Questions" and we read it tonight. It told the tale of a little boy named Max as he negotiated a big family Passover Seder. He asked the Four Questions (Why is this night different from any other night: Why do we eat Matzoh? Why do we eat bitter herbs? Why do we dip the bitter herbs in salt water? Why do we eat reclining?), and through the answers to the questions, he learned the basics of the Passover story. Jews were slaves in Egypt; they escaped; their bread didn't have time to rise and baked into crackers in the hot sun; the bitter herbs remind us of both spring and the bitterness of slavery; the salt water is a reminder of tears; we recline because we are free and we can.
It's really a brilliant little book and I highly recommend it to anyone who wants to learn the Passover story in a kid-friendly way. I even learned a bit, or at least got reminders, and this is a story that I've known and embraced since childhood.
So...that was my Passover education for Zoe. I even made a (terrible!) attempt at singing the Four Questions for her in Hebrew. I felt like a good person.
Then, I took a look at the Easter book I'd bought...
Yep. The Easter Beagle Egg Hunt. Snoopy and the gang went on an Easter Egg Hunt...
Shit.
I honestly did look around the Barnes & Noble for a slightly more educational Easter book, but they all...started with the word Jesus. Sigh.
All the stories from the Old Testament have been a part of me for my whole life; the New Testament? Not so much. I don't know how to frame Jesus and his teachings for my not-yet-three-year-old daughter. I'm not comfortable buying books about Jesus.
And I realize that this is a total double-standard in that I expect Charles to be ok with me teaching Zoe the religious side of the Jewish holidays, while I teach her the secular side of the Christian ones. Zoe knows all about Santa Claus and his reindeer, but she also knows what each letter on the dreidel means. She knows about the Easter Bunny, but also about Jews escaping slavery in Egypt. She knows nothing of Jesus.
This is not balanced, and I get that, but I don't know how to fix it. And I'm sorry about it. I am, really. I wish I had it in me to be more balanced.
But to tell you the truth, I think I'm just all kinds of muddled about what Zoe is and how to raise her. Tonight, right before bed, this happened:
Me:
Zoe: Mommy, are you Jewish?
Me: Yep, I am.
Zoe: Am I Jewish?
Me: Um...hmm...ummm...yeah, sort of, technically, but we'll talk about it more as you grow up.
I don't know what to call her, teach her or tell her, but we'll figure it all out as we go...I think? Help?
If it helps at all, you had the secular knowledge of Christianity that was expanded upon as you got older. I was as honest as I could be, and tried to ensure that you guys got the difference between fact and belief. Oh, and according to Jewish law, Zoe is Jewish. According to secular, American law, she is whatever Charles recognizes as his religion.
ReplyDeleteHm. Here are my few thoughts:
ReplyDelete1. I second the statement that according to Jewish law, Zoe is Jewish.
2. It kind-of-is and kind-of-isn't a double standard to teach Zoe about the (historical and) religious parts of Jewish holidays but not Christian ones. Christianity emerged from Judaism, so Christianity "owns" several of the Jewish holidays in its own way (have you ever been to a Christian seder?), while the opposite is NOT true--Judaism doesn't touch the Christian ones at all. And while Christians and Jews interpret those holidays differently, Jews also have multifarious, widely-varying ways of understanding the holidays amongst ourselves, right? So your situation with teaching Zoe now... it's unbalanced, but I'm not sure it's ENTIRELY a double standard given the asymmetry involved. Or maybe it is a double standard but there are mitigating circumstances? Something like that.
3. Does Charles have any suggestions for how to frame Jesus and his teachings for someone Zoe's age?
If you want maybe I can help you brainstorm a bit about ways to go beyond Santa and bunnies without being entirely confusing or straight-up evangelical. I could give it a shot, anyway.
xo!
Awesome comments and points to ponder, ladies. Thanks!! xoxo
ReplyDeleteHi Leah!
ReplyDeleteAs you know, I was raised both too. Kind of nothing actually since neither parents were religious. My Jewish mom didn't like the word Jesus and avoided the religious significance of all Christian holidays. I was raised with all holidays for what the holiday really means to us and that's family, tradition, love and culture. I even went to Catholic school! Honestly, I think you're doing Zoe a favor raising her both. She'll have an understanding and appreciation for humanity rather than a narrow approach to a certain religion. Don't feel guilty staying away from the word Jesus. I kind of like the Snoopy approach to Easter! Let Charles handle that one if he must! xxoo